- 1 / 2
STARRING: Akshay Kumar, Anupam Kher, Annu Kapoor, Piyush Mishra, Lisa Haydon
DIRECTOR: Abhishek Sharma
RATING: Two stars
The film starts with Shah Rukh Khan (still) selling Happy New Year. (Jaya aunty please, can you handle that?)
So after the two-minute-please-watch-HYN-or-else-I-will-slip-massage-cards-under-your-door-ad is over, The Shaukeens begins.
So what’s common between Katrina Kaif of Bang Bang and Anupam Kher, Anu Kapoor and Piyush Mishra of The Shaukeens? Well, they all want some bang bang in life, they all chase their love/lust interest and they all are denied action right till the end!
Anupam Kher, Anu Kapoor and Piyush Mishra play Lali, KD and Pinky respectively (and one can’t decide what’s more weird --- their names or their satyriasis?). KD is a 60-year-old bachelor, Pinky a widower and Lali has a spiritual wife, hence they bond over let’s-leer-and-lech and make Shakti Kapoor look like Alok Nath.
One can be hypersexual irrespective of age and marital status. But what one does with it is a matter of concern?
They set out on a vacation to a ‘phoren’ land (because, hey, we don’t get laid in our country, we are one of the most populated countries by fluke). They seek action, meet the hot Ahana (Lisa-Katrina Kaif’s-accent-multiplied-doublefold-Haydon) and end up dating Akshay Kumar in turns. Everything happens thrice in the film and it becomes too tedious.
The good thing is that the film showcases exactly what it promises in the promo --- an adult comedy. There are some genuinely funny moments, like a taxi number that reads DLY 69 or a striptease club called the Banana Club. Tigmanshu Dhulia manages to pen down some fun moments as well. KD, right after teasing a girl in Delhi, insists on a foreign trip and observes, “Ab Delhi hamare liye safe nahi rahi.”
A big salute to Akshay-yes-I-am-jumping-off-a-chopper-in-this-film-too-Kumar for the self-deprecatory humour that he so sportingly indulges in. He spikes his coconut water that reads ‘healthy drink’, unwillingly walks through an endorsement spree and gutsily confesses how he has only run (behind cars, trains and girls) in all his films.
He is frustrated with his Rs 100-crore nonsensical films and yearns to win a National Award by doing meaningful cinema. The scenes between him and a certain Bengali director (a not-so-subtle hint at Dibakar Banerjee) are forced yet fun.
But these fun scenes are few and far in between.
The film ruthlessly judges the youth about their obsession with sex, ironically coming from a character (Anu Kapoor) who is himself a chalta-phirta male version of Savita Bhabhi dot com. Distasteful!!
Then there is Lisa Haydon who is in a relationship with her Facebook timeline. She plays a designer, the one who uses used toothpicks to make a hat and her toe nails to make quirky coolers. And I lost my breakfast to the fancy seats of the cinema hall.
So if you don’t mind three aged men with high libido and low underwear blatantly hitting on a girl who is oblivious to good touch bad touch (Lagta hain madam ne Satyamev Jayate nahi dekha!), then The Shaukeens might work for you.
Watch it only if you are a die-hard Akshay Kumar fan.
WHAT THE RATINGS MEAN
5 stars: Loved it. (This could make to top ten movies you must watch before you die!)
4 stars: Liked it. Recommend it. (This will help you sound intellectual and give you stuff to add at water cooler conversations.)
3 stars: Didn’t hurt. Watch it once.
2 stars: It put me to sleep. Watch it if you are an insomniac or a newly wedded couple. Winks!
1 star: Do I even need to explain this?