FIRST Movie Review: Rocky Handsome
John Abraham is back, but is his new film worth watching? Over to City 1016's Lokesh Dharmani
DIRECTOR: Nishikant Kamat
STARRING: John Abraham, Shruti Haasan, Sharad Kelkar and Nishikant Kamat
RATING: 1 star
Towards the end of the movie, the little kid is amused looking at John Abraham smiling. So was I. Amused, surprised and so happy. An extra expression on John’s face is like spotting Halley’s Comet, one that will now be seen in 2090. No seriously, it feels Johnny baba has taken a special diet of 10 Himesh Reshamiyas of Tera Suroor while shooting for this film. Everything that he does is with a grimace. And trust me he does a lot. He walks like a stud, he chases the bad bad men, he beats them to a pulp, he protects the kids, and he nails the criminal…basically he is Prakash Jha of Jai Gangaajal. In fact, towards the end of the movie, he asks the police inspector if he can do one last thing. I could almost see the cop seething with anger and his thought bubble, ‘Arey saari film mein footage kha li…ab kya reh gaya?’
Rocky Handsome is a salad of all vices plaguing the party destination of Goa: child trafficking, drug peddling, organ harvesting, you name it, we have covered it. And then the makers thought, it would be too dark, so let’s insert a cute little child. Come on yaar, it worked in Bajrangi Bhaijaan, it will work in our film as well. Except children in Hindi films look good when they don’t have dialogues. When they speak, they irritate. Not because they can’t act. But because they are given dialogues that are beyond their age. Sample this: Fifteen minutes into the film, Baby Diya Chalwad cries to Johnny baba, ‘I can’t hate you, because then there will be no one in the world I can like…bah!’ Err #WhateverThatMeans #TheReturnOfMeenaKumariInASchoolUniform.
In some Hindi films there is one bad man, in others there are a few. Rocky Not So Awesome is a wholesale market of bad men with such strange names: Football (yes, that’s a name) Maantu, Kevin, Luke, Edwin and a few I can’t remember. There is a scene in the movie when Kabir (John) chases a guy called Viju and my confused mind is having a parallel conversation-
Arey that bad guy?
But why is he running after Viju?
So that he can save Naomi?
Who is Naomi now?
Arey that little kid in the movie. That’s how invested you are in the film that you don’t even care about the little kid’s life; the bore fest is woven around.
The man behind the counter of Hotel ‘Decent’ in Jab We Met is doing lots of ‘indecent’ things in the movie and overacts so much that Smriti Irani and her teary eyed speeches in Lok Sabha look natural.
John Abraham when not scowling in the film is trying his best to give Batman Vs Superman a run for their money by landing on car bonnets like a Spiderman.
The action of the film is impressive but without much emotional context, it fails to leave an impact. Also, the film uses more knives than all the episodes of Masterchefs put together. It looks sharp and slick initially, alas turns into an unnecessary gore fest towards the end.
There is also a certain Shruti Haasan who comes, sings a song, shows skin and disappears. We are not told what happened to her. The director doesn’t care. Honestly neither do we.
THE RATINGS MEAN:
5 stars: Loved it. (This could make to top ten movies you must watch before you die!)
4 stars: Liked it. Recommend it. (This will help you sound intellectual and give you stuff to add at water cooler conversations.)
3 stars: Didn’t hurt. Watch it once.
2 stars: It put me to sleep. Watch it if you are an insomniac or a newly wedded couple. Winks!
1 star: Do I even need to explain this?